God Is In Control

I know I should have posted this on Wednesday.  Please forgive me for withholding an update.  There are times when my families (home and church) keep my mind and hands busy.  In the busyness, I take comfort in writing.

On Tuesday, we went to Pennsylvania for a court hearing.  On the same day, we scheduled a visit with my sister, her husband, and my niece.  We rose in the wee hours of the morning in order to hop in the car for a full day of activity.

We arrived and spent time with my niece.  She is lovely and doing very well.  Our visit was a little different this time.  Our last visit with my niece was in the home of her grandmother.  She wanted her granddaughter to know us.  She stood back and allowed us to have her full attention.  She warmed up fast and we had a delightful visit.  This time, my sister did not allow her daughter too close to us.  I am sure her feelings of insecurities rose as we discussed her daughter's care and living situation.  My brother-in-law is a unique young fellow who struggles with anger issues.  He didn't say much.

When we left their home, we were greatly concerned about Children and Youth's plan to reunite the family in August.  We don't believe that my niece is safe in that home nor do we believe my sister and her husband are capable of raising a healthy little girl.

*Deep breath in.  God is in control.

When we went to court, we were under the impression everything had been going well.  Unfortunately, that is not the case.  My brother-in-law has had 5 outburst of rage during visitation over the last 3 weeks.  They discussed the safety of the home and the care of my niece.  Then, the last thing added to evidence was the fact that if my sister had to chose between my niece or her husband, she would chose her husband.

*Deep breath out.  God is in control.

At that time, the court reintroduced Philip and I to the judge.  The caseworker told the court that we had completed the Foster/Adoption process and that they were waiting to receive the paperwork.  The guardian ad litem asked if we could have visitation in Virginia with my niece.  The caseworker said, "Absolutely."

The same supervisor that had told us at the last hearing that we would have to hire an attorney to fight for my niece, came up to talk with us after the hearing.  He told us that when their agency receives our paper work, they will call us and make arrangements for her to be with us for a week and possibly a few weekends this summer.  He also told us that he knew it was important for my niece to know our family.

*Yes, God is in control.

So, Philip and I are waiting to hear from Children and Youth.  Waiting to be able to visit with this little one.  Waiting to see what God has planned.  Hoping that plan involves a bedroom upstairs in my house that I might get to paint pink.

Living Completely Undone

God Did.

Pouring out when others deny your gift.

1^st Samuel 16:12-13 So he sent and had him brought in.  He was ruddy, with a fine appearance and handsome features.  Then the Lord said, “Rise and anoint him; he is the one.”  So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the Lord came upon David in power.

David continued to tend sheep and Samuel had anointed him king. I wonder if he thought, "Wait, there already is a king?"  He didn't question the prophet.  He didn't deny God.  He got up, went back to the field, and tended sheep.  I wonder if he rested on the grass, looked up in the sky, and pondered how his God was going to move him from tending sheep.  He killed the lion.  He killed the bear.  He dreamed of the future.

David was called before Saul to play the harp for him.  Saul loved him.  I wonder if on his way to the palace he dreamed about his kingdom, his God-given kingdom?  Did he play before the king and question his gifts, his calling?

Only the Lord knows the thoughts of a man.

His brothers were out in battle and they needed food, the very same brothers that were in the room the day David was anointed king. His father called on David to bring them food. Yes, the future king, the anointed one, brought food to his brothers.  And they thanked him?

No.  They mocked him.

1^st Samuel 17:28-29 When Eliab, David’s oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, “Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the desert? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down here only to watch the battle.”  “Now what have I done?” said David. “Can’t I even speak?”

After his brothers, who knew he was anointed to be king, mocked David, he did not hide.  He did not run.  He did not deny his giftings and talents.

David went out and killed Goliath. He didn’t kill the giant to prove his calling, but to be a servant of the people and to protect their hearts.

My point?

There will always be opposition to our callings. There will always be someone looking down on us saying, “Why are they even here?”  When the enemy of your soul comes to kill, steal, and destroy every God-given dream and every God-given ounce of hope, do not give up.  For right in the midst of every battle, is our God.

We do not lead for the approval of man.  We do not serve for praise and acceptance of the people.  We do not minister for reward (although let’s be honest, sometimes rewards are nice).  We lead, we serve, and we minister to protect the hearts of the people.

Ultimately our calling is not about position.  Our calling is to pour out our giftings and talents, regardless of position. 

Man did not anoint David king.  God did.

Man did not anoint you.  God did.

Living Completely Undone

The Facts

I am unable to think of another creative title for our situation with our niece...so I am going to give you the facts, ask you to pray, and once again surrender this situation over to the loving arms of Jesus.

First, Philip and I completed the Foster/Adoption Home process.  We are "approved" parents.  We completed the packet, the interviews, the background checks, and the 30 hours of parenting classes.  There is a line we have stolen from these classes that has given us hours of joy.  "These arms are made for hugging, not for hitting."  While saying this, tilt your head, smile, and nod.  The next time you are frustrated with your co-worker, your spouse, or your children...please join me in picturing my 6 ft. 2 inch husband reenacting this with the cheesiest face you can picture.  You will not be able to stay frustrated.  I promise.

Our niece is still in Pennsylvania with her grandmother.  During the day, she is allowed "home visits" with her mother (my sister) and her dad.  Children and Youth's plan is to gradually increase visits with our niece and her family and to reunite the family in August.  Philip and I continue to pray for our niece and believe she will be placed exactly where God desires.  We are not sure if my sister and her husband are able to protect and raise this child, but again, we have to trust that God is moving on this little one's behalf.

My flesh screams, "Give her to us."  My spirit says, "Peace, be still."  It is in the quiet places of my heart that I find hope and trust.

Tomorrow we have court in Pennsylvania.  We have asked to visit with Connie and her family (including my niece) at 11:00.  We believe we have to continue to bridge the gap with my sister in order to be a positive influence in the care of this child.  The hearing is at 3:00.  Again, we ask for your prayers.  We are praying for favor with the courts, true advocacy for our niece, and protection of this little one.

This has been a long journey.  We know we are not done, but we believe we have done everything the Lord has asked of us in order to be prepared to be a resource for this child.

LORD, LET YOUR WILL BE DONE.

Living Completely Undone

Perfect Pot Roast

Occasionally I get very concerned that my children don't eat as many homemade meals as I would like.  We still eat dinner together every evening, but I have traded in some of the more difficult dishes for simple and quick meals.  I have great intentions when I go to the store, but unfortunately real life kicks in and my intentions fly out the window.  It would be nice if my great intentions could learn to fly over to the stove and cook dinner.

I have been studying the Made To Crave Bible study at church and it has definitely brought my desire to cook healthy meals for my children back into focus.  When I went to the store, I planned out my meals and purchased accordingly.  One of my purchases was a pot roast.  A perfect pot roast meal was on the menu for Saturday, but unfortunately I forgot to put it in the slow cooker and we went bike riding for the day.  Okay, tomorrow.

Sunday came...and went.  The pot roast sat again in my fridge.

Monday morning I checked the date and then checked the time.  It was time to go to work.  The roast would have to wait.  Thank goodness for 2 more days on the "eat or freeze by" date.

Tuesday.  "Hmmm," I said to myself, "I think I am forgetting something."  Off to work I went.  There in my refrigerator sat my lonely pot roast, uncooked and definitely untouched.

Tuesday night I opened the door to my fridge.  I noticed the roast.  I told Philip, "Please remind me in the morning to cook the pot roast."

Wednesday...I am too disgusted to say.  The roast never moved.

Thursday morning.  My day off.  I slowly sipped my coffee and completely enjoyed my day of rest.  Then I remembered the roast.  Quickly I went to the fridge and opened it up wide.  I looked at the meat.  I looked at the date.  Expired.  I grumbled to myself as I threw the roast in the trash.  I am not doing that again.

Saturday morning...pot roast sale.  I know you are thinking that I rushed right past the roast, but that is not how I am wired.  I needed redemption.  Justified by the sale, I bought myself another pot roast.

Sunday ~ Tuesday (see above).

Tuesday afternoon I opened my refrigerator and spied the roast.  Determined to be redeemed, I pulled out the crock pot.  Obviously I knew it would not be ready for dinner, but it would be by bedtime.  I started to gather a plan for Wednesday's dinner.

When I got home from work Wednesday, I pulled out 5 potatoes, wrapped them in foil, and put them in the oven.  I left for an hour with the boys for Tae Kwon Do.  When I returned, I made a salad, warmed up the pot roast, prepared the baked potatoes all before 6 pm.  I was excited.

Philip came in and sat at the table, we prayed together, and started to eat.

"What is this?" cried my oldest.
"It is pot roast.  You like it." Philip replied.
"I don't like it." responded the child.
"I want chicken." said my middle child.  "I don't think I like this."
"You are not getting anything else.  This is the perfect pot roast.  Eat it and be happy."  Boy did I sound like my mom?
Finally it was my youngest son's turn, "Yuck."

Philip and I just laughed.  He turned to me and said, "I guess I know what you won't be buying the next time you go to the store."

At the end of dinner, Philip and I looked at three plates sitting before us, on each, was a full serving of untouched perfect pot roast.

Living Completely Undone

Rainy Days

We woke up this morning to rain.  No one in my family likes a rainy day.  The strong dislike of these days centers mainly around something called "indoor recess."

Once fully awake, my two eldest sons inquired about the rain.  Ultimately, they were not satisfied with any answer other than my saying, "It is going to stop by 11, the playground will be dry, and you will definitely be going outside today for recess."

Unfortunately, I couldn't say this to them today.  I had already checked the forecast: 100% chance of rain...all day.

We ate breakfast quietly, contemplating what the day had in store.  We got ready for school and loaded up the minivan for our long journey to the brick structure a few miles away.

As we turned into the parking lot, Elliot looked up into the sky.  He looked left and then right.  Then he said confidently, "I think the sun is peaking through and it is going to clear up."

I chuckled and then replied, "Son, there is not an once of sun to be found anywhere."  He smiled, "You are right, but I can hope."

And this is one of the many reasons why I love my son.

Tonight after he was snuggled down under his covers, he inquired about tomorrow.  I assured him he would have a fantastic day ~ rain or shine.  I didn't have the heart to tell him the forecast: 70% chance of rain...all day.

Living Completely Undone

Deal Breakers

Outgrow ~ Part 2

*My sweet friend, this post is for you.

I don't believe we OUTGROW our friendships, but I do believe there are hurtful relationships where someone is unrepentant and unresponsive to the pain they have caused which renders them unsafe.  As a result, the relationship has to change.  I believe every relationship has, what I call, deal breakers.

We live in a fallen, sinful world.  "We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God."  This means our relationships will occasionally fall and lines have to be drawn; lines to protect our loved ones or even ourselves from further hurt and abuse that comes at the hand of someone we held too close.

I don't want to mince words or justify our ability to walk in unforgiveness or bitterness.  Even while drawing healthy boundaries, we are still required to extend forgiveness, grace, and mercy.  The friendships that are the closest to us are also the ones that can inflict the most pain.  Every sin has a consequence and sometimes that consequence is a loss of trust.  A relationship without trust is not a friendship.

A few years back, I was struggling with a relationship.  I knew this woman was spreading lies about me, but I wanted to be in good standing with Jesus.  The more I tried to make amends, the worse it got.  I sought Godly counsel and was encouraged to draw healthy boundaries and keep this woman away from my family.  I struggled for a long time with this, but I knew it was the right thing.  When the lines were drawn, eventually the lies stopped and I was free from the harassment from the enemy who was attempting to steal my joy.  Even to this day, when I think of her, I pray for her.  I pray that God would capture her heart and help her heal in areas that cause her to struggle.  I pray blessings on her family, her ministry, and her children.

Was this easy?
It was not at first.
But as I blessed her, my heart began for forgive her.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.  Romans 12:14

Matthew 18 says that if your brother sins against you, first go to the person to show him his fault.  If he doesn't listen, take one or two with you.  If he doesn't listen to them, tell the church.  If he doesn't listen to the church, treat him like a pagan or a tax collector. 

Most people hate following this because it involves confrontation, but God gave us a way to handle a breech in relationships in order to bring reconciliation.  But...he or she has to be willing to listen.  We can follow this, but reconciliation may still not occur.  Sadly, there are those that refuse to listen.

Romans 12:18 says, "If possible, as far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men."  This means, there are times when it is just not possible.  I have decided that as far as my heart goes, I will not walk in offense.  I refuse to have the sin of unforgiveness in my heart.  If it is possible...means that I am only responsible for my actions and my heart.  When I went through separating myself from this woman, I sought the Lord.  I prayed for direction.  I sought Godly council because I didn't want to stumble.  I wanted to follow Him in all my ways and that included drawing healthy boundaries in a destructive relationship.

This was one of the most difficult things I walked through.  I thank Jesus for my friends that stuck with me through this season.  They challenged and encouraged me in such amazing ways.  Good thing I hadn't outgrown them :)

I detest deal breakers.  I loathe drawing lines, but sometimes it has to be done.

I might be splitting hairs here, but I don't view this as the same as OUTGROWING people.  OUTGROWING comes out of an arrogant heart.  "I have grown further than you, so my need for our friendship is no longer."  It is a very self-centered view on friendship.  We should all have some friends that are ahead of us on our spiritual journey (mentors, teachers, pastors), friends that are near the same place as we are spiritually, and some coming up behind us that we are able to teach and mentor.  It is a cycle of friendship that grows the church and grows healthy friendships.  I don't find any reference to OUTGROWING our loved ones in the word of God.

To leave this on a positive note (the encourager in me), friendships are lovely.  They grow us, challenge us, and encourage us in this life's journey.  Our verse for Women's Ministry at CCF is,

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up!” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10. 

We were not meant to walk alone here on earth.  I continue to seek out Christ-centered friendships because I know that through the people around me, God GROWS me.

Living Completely Undone

**If you find yourself struggling with unforgiveness and offense, I would recommend John Bevere's study, The Bait of Satan and Gene Edward's book, A Tale Of Three Kings. Both of these books changed my life.

Outgrow

A few years back, someone told me that we will eventually OUTGROW our friendships.  When this happens, we have a choice to make; either hold on and fight the inevitable or to let go and find the next friendship the Lord has for us.  At the time, it justified irritation I was feeling with some of my closest friends.  I took this irritation as a sign that our friendships were ending.  The advice I received was that it was time to move on.

How selfish is that?  I hate even thinking back at some of the choices I made during that season.  What I was mistaking as irritation with my friendships had nothing to do with my friends.  We were in a horribly negative situation in our church and it was effecting my relationships because my heart was in turmoil.  When the enemy came to steal my hope, it was easy to find a "scapegoat" that put a face on my frustration.

Thankfully, with the Lord's leading and guidance, I worked through my pride and arrogance regarding my "OUTGROWING" season and I continued to grow in my friendships.

Then a few years later, I heard this same statement again.  Away from any conflict, the Lord was able to speak to my heart.  I knew this was not the truth and I asked the Lord to change my thinking so I could be the friend He desired me to be. 

If two people are in a committed friendship, where in the Bible does it ever say, "When the people around you start driving you nuts, pick up your cross and find different people?"  Instead it says in Proverbs, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." 

So often, we mistake irritation for something being wrong.  What about the times that irritation comes because God is looking to change and grow US and HE is using our relationships to do it?  Better to change at the hand of a friend than at the hand of an enemy.  Please hear me...I will take the growing pains of a trusted friendship any day.

There have been seasons in my life where I willingly walked away from Jesus, but I can't remember one time He ever walked away from me.  He has never OUTGROWN a desire for a relationship with me. 

I am sure there were times my Savior was a tad bit frustrated with me, like the time I stayed in a relationship with someone I knew was not His best for me...for 4 more years after He spoke to me.  Last time I checked, Jesus never OUTGREW me.  Instead, He waited for me to get my act together and then blessed me with an amazing husband.

What about the time He told me to shut my mouth and I continued to talk...and talk...and talk...and talk?  Thankfully, He never walked away from me.  He never OUTGREW me.  He waited for me to shut up, then He healed me.

What about the time He was dealing with my temper?  I got mad...and more mad...and so mad I almost lost myself in rage. 

He should have. 
He could have. 
But He didn't walk away. 
He didn't pack up His bag. 
He didn't say, "Well, I have had enough." 
Instead He met me in my shame. 
He met me in my desperation. 
He met me in my disobedience.

If we look at our relationships from a "me" perspective, it will always be about how "I" feel.  Is it working for "me,"  is it everything "I" need, or is it adding to "my" life? 

It is not about me.  It is about Him living through me.  This includes living through my friendships.  Our friends will make mistakes.  Our friends will hurt us.  Our friends will do things that irritate us.  These situations are the growing pains of a relationship changing...not ending.

I do believe in different seasons of life we will be closer to some than others based on location, experience, and availability.  The best friendships I have are with those that allow our friendship the flexibility for life to happen.  Sometimes life allows for closeness and sometimes life requires space, but at the end of the day...we are still friends.

I don't believe we OUTGROW our loved ones like my 11 year old OUTGROWS his pants.  When we draw someone close, bring them into our heart, a true friendship will grow and change as we do.  The best friendships I have today look nothing like they did 20 years ago because we both are different people.  We grew up.  Thankfully, I have friends that have grown with me...instead of away from me. 

I cherish the women that have committed to walk this journey with me.  They forgive me when I mess up, challenge me when I am deceived, and sharpen me in my areas of weakness.  They also celebrate in my victories, cry when they hold my children for the first time, and laugh at all (okay, most) of my jokes.

I love my friends and I can't think of one woman I ever OUTGREW.

Living Completely Undone